Just want to share this today because right now my life isn't anywhere near where I planned it to be. It's been going a totally different direction with lots of surprises! Most have been positive ones and naturally, there have been negative ones..Read More
Have you ever had somebody, maybe an acquaintance or even somebody close to you, not be true to what they say? Maybe at first you didn't notice anything amiss. This person looks and sounds credible enough to believe in and count on. But then, whenever crunch time arrives, and almost always the time you need to count on this person to deliver, he or she somehow does something not quite the same as what they've led you to believe before. Hmmm...a lot of people are like that actually. So I'm sure this sounds familiar to you as well.
I don't know why this is. I don't know why some people want to portray themselves as being more than they're not. I'm not saying the "fake it 'til ya make it" kind. Its more of what they are saying. What these people say about themselves to appear credible and trustworthy or to appear friendly even if they are not.
I always wanted to believe in the best in people. I used to. Now, its just not practical anymore. Some people will use you for their own gain. Some peole will talk behind your back.
What I've learned from all those people is to watch what they do and how they do things. I've learned, in getting to know people, that integrity shows in naturally well-meaning people.
It's sad how integrity is one of the values most people boast about, but it is the least practiced nowadays.
It is a VERY difficult thing for most people to shut up when they are angry. I myself am very prone to saying things I shouldn't. Of course, there is nothing to be done for the person who hates you in the first place; nothing you say or do will win the approval of this kind of individual. Just save your time and disengage. But I would still like to share this because everybody's story is different and how we all handle our shortcomings is unique to ourselves.
There is really a lot to admire in cool-headed people. They automatically filter out negative connotations and focus on the point, hence eliminating the need for a violent reaction. Just amazing. We can be like that too, apparently. It just costs a lifetime of self reflection and personal improvement, but achievable and if I may say, rewarding. Now, the only thing left is to decide if we want to let our natural wild self run free and babble on or do we choose to fold ourselves inwardly to produce a quiet but pretty picture. Just like Origami.
It will be very difficult for me to teach you how to origami your mind. I am not a guru. But here are some things that have helped me a lot through bad days, even when I still did not end up with the perfect creation.
1. Literally bite your tongue until the moment passes. (Looking away, scrolling through Pinterest, walking out have also helped greatly.)
2. If the offender persists, do not engage at the exact same moment. Allow the offender to first make a fool of themselves. Telling them off will be sweeter after their foolishness is established.
3. While the offender is establishing the foolishness, use this time to pick your wise words. Keep things short as possible.
4. Say the words with an unaffected smile. And done!
This works because it is always better for you if the other person doesn't know what you are gonna do to them. The suspense of inevitability will kill them inside. Um, it may be sick, but it seems like the passive aggressive stance does the most damage. That's just my opinion, of course. Makes crazies even more crazy. All this while appearing the calm and cool, educated person you ought to be.
Remember, humanity is not about going berserk like a wild animal. Being human is about developing yourself into a higher being regardless of your natural instincts. End quote.
Ok, I grew up in a family where if it wasn't handed to you then you'll have to figure out a way to get it for yourself. And if you happen to screw up, you shouldn't blame other people or lash out at them since you got yourself in that situation. It helps to ask for help, yes, but you're generally responsible for your own decisions. I learned that lesson when I was eleven years old by the way.
I have to say, I was handed a bitter lemon today, apart from all the other lemons I was handed before already. I never asked for it as with all of life's lemons but I won't bite into it! Let explain in plain English.
This time, I literally got blamed and or accused of something I did not do. Sure I was aware that this person pointing the finger at me has been in a slow, rough downward spiral since he was born, but still! I was offered to be included in a venture wherein he and other tops insisted that my contribution was necessary and will be compensated accordingly at the right time. Ever the people-pleaser and not really minding a new challenge, I still accepted, although with a some hesitation. I should have trusted my gut knowing my gut is very reliable. I hesitated because I had other prospective activities I would like to get involved with too. But of course I ignored Le Gut. Let's say I did it more for the sake of camaraderie and hey, a suitable compensation was presented! Well, little did I know then that 'part-time' meant 'full-time' except for the compensation part. Now this guy is blaming me for his poor management skills because the other guys decided they'd like to fend for themselves now too. Maybe he thinks I instigated this or I gave the other guys ideas, I don't know. What I do know is that my partner and I have had his back up until now although we'll probably reconsider still doing that, not after this sh*tfest!
Anyway, what I did was I stood my ground without losing the necessary politeness and sincerity by saying plain 'ol, "OK." Hah! Neither defensive nor offensive. Yes, that's the way to face it in the real world. Like I mentioned before, I was raised to take responsibility for my own actions. I do not want to add to the situation and have him blame me all over again.
But it still got to me, to be completely honest. I have this thing with my nerves and I can really feel the heat of an explosion building up inside of me. Pardon me, but it wasn't the desirable kind. I can get more relief with explosive diarrhea on the one hand. And it got me to thinking inwardly... Bible verses? Yes, I did! But I won't put it on here, ok? Please stay with me, there are life lessons here I would like to share.
When Life Gives You Lemons, Make Yada..yada..yada..
Yes! Because lemons are sour but rich in antioxidants that are good for you! And yes, life can give us its sour taste. But we do have to make the most of it because it's what we've got at the moment! Miserable people are always looking for the sweetest lemons but there aren't any! They wind themselves up and turn very bitter, but then they didn't make the most out of a given situation or resource. What miserable people do is they rant, throw tantrums and blame other people in their lives. I believe some blame God too. Bible lesson: See Stewardship. And the story of Jonah. Now compare it to the story of Job. Oh wait, you don't do that? Let's do Modern History Lesson: See the story of Pablo Escobar. Or your father-in-law. Whoever fits the description. Now compare it to the story of Mother Teresa. Get the picture?
Now, I've only just got out of this predicament, like, yesterday but I've been reading up on this topic since forever and have just now decided to act upon it. Now that you have your lemons, people are going to want to teach you how to use those damn lemons! And they'd love for you to use their tried and true way too! And they'd really, really love it if you did exactly how they told you to do those godforsaken lemons! Aaaand you know what they really hate? What they really hate is when you do use your own recipe and come up with entirely different tasting lemon products! But don't be afraid because it turns out that these people weren't really able to make their own version of perfect juice so they want to taste their perfect version through you. Now it sucks to fall down this hole so try not to get off balance, or when you've been in it as I have and have found the light, please do so without fear or anxiety, or at least try to do so without. Because no matter how good that lemonade tastes according to others' specifications, it will never be yours. And there is also the the fact that you will be living your life for others and neglecting yourself. Oh, sorry, I did mention Mother Teresa, but she was a missionary and she dedicated her life to that purpose. As for you, and you didn't dedicate your life to anything yet, don't waste your time living someone else's (cliche) dream.
So now you've decide to accept your lemons no matter how plenty, and have managed to make delicious lemonade and other lemony goodness, let me tell you the reality of life here, some people are gonna start hating you. Sorry for being negative but its fact and its the road of every successful person who've ever been able to make their own delicious lemonade, or anybody who has just made a small achievement even. Tell it to the underachiever who doesn't want to be criticized or subject himself to any kind of pressure. If you don't want people to say nada about you, do nothing. If you don't want anybody to talk sh*t about you behind your back, stop moving. If you don't want any other person to make a negative comment about your success, you have to find a way to stop breathing at all. Heck, even dead people get spoken of. Its just not realistic thinking to be trying to please everybody.
Enjoy your lemonade! Nobody will appreciate it more than you do! Besides, you were the one who put time into it, researched it, experimented with it...I could go on. Nobody else but you knows what you exactly need right now. It's like a tongue twister, I know. Other people don't know what you are going through exactly just as you don't know that about them. So stick to your guns and be happy with what you've achieved no matter what they tell you otherwise. Believe me on this and not to boss you around, but those same people who try to live their lives through you will never find contentment knowing they never achieved anything themselves. And then who are they going to blame after the realize this and its consequences? Of course, you. Still you because you've let them do it to you before. Yup, just like that.
And in conclusion, in order to be able to move on smoothly and with grace, you have to find the strength to go through these tough times without burning bridges or mental harm to yourself. It's true. You will be subjected to actual, indirect or subtle verbal, emotional, psychological abuse while stirring your juice. People can do bad things to other people. I'm sure you all know that now at this point in your lives. Don't allow it. Find grace through prayer or song or self help books that were inspired by God, or whichever self-help books you prefer, or just wing it! The bottom line is that you do things for yourself because it's what makes your life feel right and because you've only got one life to live that's too short to be wasted on unappreciative people who see and serve only themselves. You are responsible for your own life so leave it to them with their own poor choices. Hence the saying, to each his or her own. Sure, now you can't tell the people who hold you back that they hold you back but then, that's part of how you are going to make that damned lemonade even more delicious for you! Mine is starting to taste better already!
On a softer note, now that we've closed the topic of lemons and lemonade, I want to apologize for beginning with a rant and I would like to wish you all a wonderful evening and let's all stay positive onward. Smiles!