We have no choice in this world when it comes to living with other people. People are mostly everywhere. Especially when we live in a populous place, we have to choose which people we allow into our lives and we need to choose how they will affect us. Not that I am saying that we should try and control other people. What I mean is we can all choose what behaviors to allow to affect us.
A lot of people get carried away by drama and start conflicts. I choose not to be affected. I try my best to look beyond a situation beyond my control and just breathe deeply. Then I avoid and set my boundaries.
I do this because I am trying to stay healthy and well. To take on drama or to obsess over situations that cannot be controlled only adds fatigue emotionally and mentally. If I allow myself to be affected, surely the drama will find its way to affect me physically. Its called being stressed out. And as we know, stress causes a lot of illnesses which are entirely preventable. What I am trying to say is, I choose prevention. Avoid toxic people.
*Toxic people are people who cannot deal with their own lives because they won't take charge of it. They blame others for the situations they find themselves in. They won't take responsibility for their actions and the consequences that come with. The worst thing about being around toxic people is, they create lots of opportunities to harm you emotionally, physically and even financially..then blame you for it. Avoid! Avoiding is not being cowardly. It's being wise about what is safe for yourself and what is better use for your time and energy.*
My life is as chaotic as any other's. I don't regret that. I think it adds color and flavor to an otherwise bland recipe. I can always lessen or add something to make my recipe better. But like in any dish, I get to choose which ingredients I should add and be careful not to put in any poison. Toxic people, if you will.
I refuse to let toxic people dictate how I should live my life, or how I should feel, or how I should react to something. It is none of their business. Another thing is, I expect to be respected just as much as I make myself give respect even to those people who sometimes make me feel like they don't deserve any. Then, I am all for preventive measures, and that's where personal boundaries come in.
There are personal boundaries such as your personal space. This includes the area immediately surrounding your very person. It can also include your personal possessions such as your house, car, purse and cellphone. Personal space can include your personal relationships such as your family, your children, your friends. Another important personal boundary is your time and schedule, which is sadly, often overlooked. We are the manager of our lives and we are in charge of how we give and make our own time. Lastly, personal boundaries are there to protect your personal opinions or values. These are the things you believe in, the knowledge we depend upon. Our beliefs. Our decisions. The quality of life we want to live.
*Now, I know some people who have violently rejected to this concept, maybe you've met someone too, and these people are the ones who cause stress the most. What's stressful is that people who disrespect themselves believe nobody deserves respect and so they create lots of drama to make their lives seem more relevant, and disrespecting others while doing so.
I find that by limiting the time I spend with these people, I avoid subjecting myself to their drama and I avoid feeding them fuel to burn me with. This has been a challenge for me because normally I am a very empathetic and accommodating person. I had driven myself to exhaustion just to please people who never cared twice about me, people who always expected something else in return for their 'kindness', people who didn't respect me; because I thought that's what makes a person good, to help others no matter what. And for a while, I became pretty toxic too! Then, I realized I had been cheating myself of a happy life and decided to take more care of my overall well-being.*
This year, I learned that to be healthy, I had to stay way and avoid situations and people who threaten our peace. Sometimes we have to make boundaries with ourselves and other people. Especially nowadays, its certainly very easy to live a public life. But if we choose what we put out about ourselves out there, as boundaries are all about self control also, we get to be in charge of ourselves and ultimately, we take better care of ourselves in the process.
Self care isn't an indulgence. It's a necessity for us to live a happy life. I choose to live a happy life and I want to affect people with my happiness. I chose to detox my life and mostly happy things have been happening. I never had the courage to blog about real life before because I was bound by my own inhibitions that people around me would judge me for it. Now, I've realized, it's really is up to me to live my own life. Sharing even a few of my insights has been really empowering and I hope it reaches and empowers even just one of you out there who might be going through the same thing.
I leave you with a little reminder from a beautiful woman who lived a beautiful life.
Have a great day ahead!
*This post contains some updates.